Inside His Mind
by AgeyoPanda
Summary: Johnny is top scarer. He's a prideful monster and he has a good reason. But, even the most scariest of monsters has their bad sides, but what's his like? Johnny isn't what everyone thinks he is.


**Trigger warning: Mental illness.**

* * *

_Damn it Johnny, you can't let these kids bully you forever. You're a Worthington for crying out loud!_

The rain fell hard against the window.

_I had high hopes for you, looks like I was wrong. You're lucky your mother sees something in you._

Darkness filled the grand, quiet room.

_Oh would you look at that, now you're getting into fights. When I said not to let them get to you, I didn't mean to start acting up._

The sound of thunder grew louder and louder; maybe it was just the pounding headache.

_Listen to me, you better get your fucking act together. Worthington's are supposed to be top scarers and carry themselves with pride. Shape up or I will never consider you apart of this family again._

There was a knock at the door followed by a thick Hexican accent.

"Johnny, class is about to start." Javier had called out from behind the heavy door, leading into Johnny's room.

Johnny sighed as he pulled himself to a sitting position, "I'll be down in a while, Jav."

Noticing the tone in Johnny's voice, Javier opened the door and poked his head in, "Something wrong?" Javier was always the helpful and wise one in the group. He was like the glue that held the group together. If something was wrong, Javier caught on and tried to help in whatever way he could.

Johnny looked to Javier and smirked, "Observant as ever, I see."

Javier walked in and quietly shut the door, "So, I see something is wrong," Javier said, as he walked to the bed and took a seat next to Johnny, "Que pasa?"

Johnny sighed. Javier was the quiet one, but that sure came in handy whenever something was up. In public, Johnny was always so proud and held himself with dignity, but behind the closed doors of the ROR house, only his brothers saw his true colors; especially Javier, "Be honest, should I be upset over this still?"

Javier knew what Johnny was talking about, and honestly, Javier did think it was time to move on, but he was never going to push Johnny on this. "Si," Javier looked Johnny in the eyes, "I do think it's time to move on. But me and no one else will push you on this, hombre. I understand that it will take time, but you can't let this control your life."

Johnny knew Javier was right, but this depression that Johnny kept hidden made it tough to let it go.

Johnny felt a hand on his shoulder, "Class is starting, I'll cover for you if you don't feel like coming today."

Johnny sighed, "No, I'll go," Johnny knew as captain of the ROR's, he couldn't play hooky.

* * *

Class was a big blur. His headache only got worse and his mind was somewhere else. The day was rainy and well, crap. Whenever he was alone with his thoughts, his father's voice would play in his head.

Johnny didn't even remember getting to the library with Chip and Reggie. He didn't remember sitting at a chair, he didn't remember opening a text book to just stare at it either. All he could remember was his father's voice yelling at him like he was a child again.

_Look at you, so worthless. You're not scary and you never will be._

Tick

_What kind of monster are you? You will never carry on the family name. You're worthless._

Tock

_I can't believe I have you as my son._

For some reason the clock seemed louder.

* * *

Finally getting back to the safety of his own room, Johnny let his mind wonder; knowing it was going to be a bad decision. The rest of the ROR's still had some classes, so Johnny had the house to himself. Stopping in front of the mirror in his room; his mind started playing tricks on him.

"Look at you, you're so pathetic." It was him in the mirror, but it was his father's voice.

Johnny frowned at 'himself', "You again. You like making my life hell, don't you?"

"Why yes I do actually."

"Look, I don't have time for this shit. You're not real."

"Oh Johnny don't say that! Of course I'm real. I'm you, remember?"

Johnny shook his head, "No. You're not me. You're just something my mind made up. You're not real."

"But Johnny, that's the thing. Your mind did make me up, but I'm real as can be. You only thought me up to deal with your father, too bad I sound just like him."

Johnny took a step back, "Stop."

"If only they can see MU's top scarer now! Look at you, you're pathetic! You're not scary and you put your family to shame."

"No."

"Yes Johnny! You're nothing. You're pathetic and if only your father can see you now. You don't deserve to be a Worthington!"

"No!" Johnny covered his ears.

"Cover them all you want, but you know I speak the truth! You're nothing!"

"Shut up!" Johnny grabbed the closest heaviest object and threw it at the mirror, letting it break into little pieces. Johnny's breathing was heavy and shallow. He made his way to the darkest corner of the room and hugged his knees.

"Pathetic." 'Johnny' spoke up.

Johnny covered his ears again, "Shut up."

"Look at you! You've lost it! You've gone nuts!"

"No! I'm not crazy!"

The door opened, "Johnny?" It was Javier.

Johnny looked up to Javier, "I'm not crazy."

Javier shut the door, walked over to Johnny and knelt down before him, "I think we need to let a professional figure that out."

Johnny shut his eyes as the other 'Johnny' screamed in his ears, "Crazy! Johnny, you've gone crazy!"

Johnny spoke up again, his voice shaky, "I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy… Father, I've let you down. I'm sorry…"


End file.
